I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
