i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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