I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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