The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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