The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize