i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
