Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
