okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
