I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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