New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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