Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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