You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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