if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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