You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
