Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
