I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
