Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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