i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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