you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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