my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize