smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
