PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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