Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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