that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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