Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
