He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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