Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
