We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize