I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
