So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize