NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
