is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
