i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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