I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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