If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He is an equal opportunity slut.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize