belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
