Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
