she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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