if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
