I think I just saw someone hide a body.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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