when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
