ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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