i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
