Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wear drunk well.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
