So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
