You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
