I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
