so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize