Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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