We're facebook friends in real life
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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