I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
