Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
