my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
