dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize