you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
