And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
