My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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