Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
