i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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