I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
