She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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