i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize