the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
