I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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