Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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