Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
