Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
