I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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