I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
