My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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