I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
