So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
