Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize