I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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