would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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