I puked a lego.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
