Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
