So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The uberlube is also flammable
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
