He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize