True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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