If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
