I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
