omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
