someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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