He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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