Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
