Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
