Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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