69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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