I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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