He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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