Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
