He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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