We won't sleep together?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
