Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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