sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
two words...techno handjob
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
