I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
