On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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