just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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