also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
