i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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