Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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