I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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