Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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